1 - El Primero
We're not doing the Hans Solo and Princess Leia here... Now technically I’m going off script with this one, but since he was the first...
2 - Nondescript
How many ways can you describe oatmeal, though... Early on during my time on Plenty of Porpoises or whatever, my swiping patterns (link...
3 - Gootense
Basically, if SpongeBob and DarthVader had a baby... If you’re reading this dating blog from the beginning, there’s a 70% chance you’re a...
4 - Sebastian aka Crusty Crab
A complete waste of eyeliner... I gave them all code names in my original post, but don't feel bad using this joker’s actual name because...
5 - Little Drummer Boy
Can I get some lukewarm porridge, please... I have two weaknesses: a strong jawline and a pair of deep, brown eyes. Okay, fine, I also go...
6 - Pufferfish
Basically just me and The Old Farmers Almanac... I call this gentleman Pufferfish because I'm kind of mean. If you've been reading this...
7 - Gootense The Sequel
See, what had happened was.... You people have really been wondering what happened with Gootense. He'd be flattered. This must be what...
8 - Cocky Ginger
Warning: explicit content. Explicitly foolish, too... In person, online daters (myself included) can tend to be a let down. Ex. Cocky...
9 - The Hottie Professor
Hey, Teacher? I don't understand... I excelled in school. I chose three tests at the beginning of all this, because I slay tests. Always...
10 - Abe Lincoln
Stretch out Urkel and then bleach him... Four score and seven years ago (give or take a few score and years) a slender man in a top hat...
11 - Hollywood
Easy on the eyes, queasy on the ears... From the very beginning, we've covered how I feel about the jiggle. I simply cannot. We've...
12 - Jolly Green
The moment you've all been waiting for... Alas, our month-long journey comes to an end with the final installment of the 12 Dates of...













